I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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