Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am available for nakedness
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
