Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
