You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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