is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
