It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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