NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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