i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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