she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
