no. you can't hotbox the world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
