So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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