I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the raccoons are back...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
