the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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