Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
