so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
