News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
