I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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