had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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