I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
