I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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