Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
they're like a gay fantastic four
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Text me some of your sweat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
