You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
