i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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