Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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