Too much gin, very little bucket
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
