I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
