He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
