Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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