1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
