there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
