Will you blow on my dice?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
