just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
