What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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