I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
