She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
