I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
