you would pick up someone in the library
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
