She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
