i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
