anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
