my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
