And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
