Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
