some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
