Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
