just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
