Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
