cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
