:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
