worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
