I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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