You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize