About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
