I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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