Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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