Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she looked like the before picture.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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