I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
