wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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