There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
