Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
