I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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