My Higher Power is John Stamos
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You ruined the universe
Randomize
