I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
